CATS BALLS

A few years ago, San Francisco attempted to reduce the feral cat population explosion by offering $5. to anyone who would have their cat neutered.
This caterwauling definitely called for a dose of doggerel.

Catballs
by Stephen D. Gross

There's a Bay City Bounty on your Tomcat's Balls
five bucks for the family jewels
what'll he do when Nature calls?
what's he gonna use for tools?
He'd yowl down the alleyway
at four am
looking for a Manx in heat
now he's howlin' another way
it ain't no fun
and his sex life's incomplete
you can't buy much for half-a-sawbuck
a piece of steak with too much fat
a bag full of lollipops you could suck
but your jewels should be worth more than that
I might trade my rocks for a week in Paris
or a brand new Mercedes-Benz
or a hundred shares of IBM
or a barn full of fat, tasty hens
I might let 'em go for a coupla' Renoirs
or a life with the world's best cook
or a room full of pussies but
bless my claws - all I could do is look!
I'll tell my kittys
to stay away from town
if they wanna keep
the surgeon's knife from ringing
there's no greater shock then to
turn your gaze south...
and see that there's
nothing there a-swinging